People-Pleasing
People-pleasing often gets described as simply being “too nice.” But for many people, it developed for a reason. Perhaps keeping other people happy helped preserve connection, reduce conflict, maintain safety, or protect you from rejection. You may have become exceptionally skilled at reading a room while becoming increasingly disconnected from your own preferences. Saying no can feel selfish. Disappointing someone may feel intolerable. You might rehearse conversations, overexplain boundaries, apologize automatically, or agree to things while resentment quietly builds underneath.
Therapy can help you understand what people-pleasing has protected you from. From there, we can work toward recognizing your needs, tolerating the discomfort of setting boundaries, communicating more directly, and building relationships in which connection doesn’t require continual self-abandonment.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism isn’t always about wanting everything to be perfect. Sometimes it’s about what you fear will happen if it isn’t. Mistakes may feel disproportionately painful. You might procrastinate because beginning something means risking doing it badly. Achievements can provide only momentary relief before the standard moves again. Even when others see competence, you might be intensely aware of everything you could have done better. Perfectionism can develop around achievement, appearance, relationships, morality, parenting, productivity, or simply the belief that being exceptional is what makes you worthy of acceptance.
Therapy can help us approach perfectionism with curiosity to understand what it’s doing for you and what it costs you. It can be a place to begin building more flexibility so that mistakes, uncertainty, and being human no longer feel like threats to your worth.